>You are Daring Do
>Awaking from a really fucking weird dream with a start
>You almost roll off the cloud
>almost
>Adventurer Reflexes +6
>You look around - it's dusk, just about when you should be meeting the girls - and Anon - for a night on the town
>Apparently one of the mares employs him, and gave him Monday off with pay, so he can drink tonight
>Stallions get it all, srsly
>You stretch again, doing that wing stretch that all mares just know how to do
>huh, deja vu
>And you're off! Gliding around town at the speed of yawn
>Your keen senses hone in on your prey
>More like "you see really frickin obvious rainbow contrail and decide to follow it"
>But that's not what you're gonna tell your biographers
>nope. Adventurer superpowers. Sells more action figures that way
>Or "Collectible Figurines" for the mares still living in momma's basement
>You see your group - apparently Dash just landed and made her intro
>Time to totally one-up her
>You go in for your dive, but FUCK SHE JUST LIFTED OFF AGAIN
>PROBABLY TO DO SOME IDIOTIC STUNT DAMNIT
>You slow down as hard as you can
>She sees you and tries to do the same
>Fluttershy covers her mouth
>Applejack has this look of utter joy on her face
>Rarity is cringing
>Twilight is trying to shield Anon's eyes from this horror
>Thank you
>You slow-motion collide just as Pinkie Pie takes a picture
>Fuck

>So after the embarassing laughter of two mares
>And shaking the dust off
>You say hai to the group
>Dash is conflicted - she was just shamed, sure, but she got an impromptu bear-hug from her idol
>So... net plus?
>You see Anon trying not to laugh
>Ok. I see how it is
>Dash tries to walk towards him but you stick a hoof out
>You look at her with a grin, and she doesn't get it
>You get close
>Uncomfortably close
>And you
>start
>preening
>her
>She gets the hint, and soon the two of you are licking and muzzling each other's wings clean
>This is kinda hot
>staring a peek at Anon, he thinks so too
>from laughter to blushing hard in 2.5 seconds
>Nice
>....Dash's scent is also nice. Like wet stone and cold air, crisp an-
>Hey now brain. One herdmate at a time
>Kaaay
>So after that double-awkward intro, you decide to break the ice
"Alright! So now that we're presentable, what's this joint we're going to?"
>Applejack points at the bar. "S' right here. It's th' Salty Stallion - They've got booths, a stage for live music an' a record player, ifn' you want to pay the bits."
>You nod at twilight. Not too bad.
>Rarity walks infront of the group, grabbing the door with her magic.
>"After you, good sir." She does a little bow
>OH WOW GENTLEMARE STATUS CONFIRMED
>If you had a parasol you'd be tipping it REALLY HARD right now
>Anon laughs and enters
>Goood.
>Step 1 complete.
>You all pour in afterwards, and are able to secure a booth facing the stage
>Unfortunately, there is nothing scheduled for tonight, so it's kinda a shit view. 
>Well, it would be, if you weren't staring at your soon-to-be horsebando
>What's the human equivalent of that? humbando? No, that's not right
>Ah well.

>Dash is first
>Of course she is!
>"Anon, you've gotta try this shot! It's called the Cinnerator - it's a cinnamon liquor that's got a great kick to it!"
>"Haha, sure thing Das-"
>"A-actually, Anon, I took the liberty of ordering for us. For the first round, at least. I hope you don't mind?"
>Everyone looks at Fluttershy
>She squeaks and shrinks down
"Hey, no problem! I'm curious as to what you'll get us!"
>Be nice to 'em, Daring. We're all on the same team
>Everypony else seems to get it and starts nodding
>Small talk starts, and soon the waiter comes over
>"Your drinks, everypony! And human~"
>Ugh no colt bad. He's ours.
>6 ciders - local brew, not bad - and one... frilly umbrella drink
>Anon takes it in his hands
>The drink is basically engulfed in his grip
>pokerface all around
>"Well...thank you, Fluttershy. I'm sure I'll enjoy this..."
>"C-coconut s-sunset breeze..." she squeaks out
>Ok, I'll give it to her - any other stallion, he'd start sipping on it right away
>It's also about 70% pure alcohol
>sneaky mare. You approve!
>Anon just smiles softly and raises his glass
>What a gentlestallion
>"To Friendship!"
>You all cringe slightly, but accept the toast
>That all changes tonight
>Aaand he chugged it
>Fuck that 
>You, Dash, AJ and Pinkie all chug as well
>You slam your drinks down at the same time.
>"Hey! Barkeep! Cinnerator shots, please!" Anon waves
>Dash Chimes in "Make it a double!"
>It begins

>After a few drinks
>and mind you, you've been spreading the pain
>sipping on water when he's drinking cider
>you're tipsy
>so is everypony else - well, Fluttershy's a lightweight, so she stopped drinking early
>But FINALLY ANON IS TIPSY
>And you just had a horrible, wonderful idea.
>Stallions love being in the spotlight, right...?
"HEY BARMARE!"
>You yell that maybe a little too loud
>Pones looking at you
>buck'em you gettin alien dick tonight
>"WHAT?"
"You got a guitar on that stage?"
>You point a hoof at the stage, and everyone silently raises an eyebrow
>"Yeah... and a piano. You gonna do some mareoke?"
"Well, Actually... Anon, I'd love to hear a human song..."
>The other mares - shit, almost the whole bar, starts nodding and clopping their hooves together
>"Yeah!" "Woo Alien music!" "Show us your cock, Anon!" "Perform!"
>He laughs and waves at the crowd, standing up
>YES TAKE THE BAIT
>Get on that stage, you stupid, handsome colt, and get your token applause
>You've never seen a stallion get booed off stage
>Then ride that high back home so I can ride that dick
>He gets on stage and grabs the guitar
>It's a little small for him, but he sits down on the stool, propping it up on his knee.
>"Well. Here's a song that was popular before I came over here. Let me know what ya'll think."
>He begins to play
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEXDLhCGjww
>You enjoy what he's doing with his fingers on the guitar
>Literally those sounds have never been heard before
>It sends shivers down your spine
>Then he starts to sing
>And your wings go right up

>Anon finishes to roaring applause
>You're pretty sure you came a little when he howled
>Mares - and stallions - cheer him in the little bar
>"Woohooo!" "YEAH!" "That was awesome!"
>"Present to us thine cock!" "-shutup sister!"
>Even your own group was raving like mad
>"Yeehaw! That was a good'un~" "Splendid, darling!" "Woo!" "AWESOME"
>You yourself cheer and clap against the table
>That's YOUR Stallion!
>Mmf. Yeah he is
>Anon smiles and waves to the crowd, placing the guitar back down on the stage floor and hopping down
>He walks back to your table all smiles
>"So I take it you liked it?"
"That was awesome!"
>The table agrees with you, and you continue your general dick-ridin of this stallion
>figuratively, soon-to-be-literally.
>Appparently his singing has given him some minor-rockstar status, and free drinks start making their way over to your table
>He drinks the first few (YES)
>But soon starts passing the rest out to everypony else
>Man you are gonna get SLOSHED. Some of this is top-shelf
>ah well. You've had drunken sex before
>Not too bad. Just gotta stretch befofehoof~
>"'Ey Nanners!"
>Anon turns and looks at the outburst near your table
>You follow his look an- HOLY BUCK
"Cuz?!"
>"Daring?! Haha, Awesome!" The mare responds
>"Oi, Bubble-butt!" Anon replies
>Aww her nickname is bubble-butt? Why didn't you think of that before...

>"Wait..."
>Anon looks confused. 
"What?"
>You continue to hug the mare next to you
>"Ya'll are related?" Applejack joins in
"Well yeah. I'm Daring Do, she's Ditzy Do. We have the same family name..."
>Ditzy nods
>"But I thought your name was Derpy?" Twilight adds
"No, that's a name you get to use if you're her friend."
>"But I've been using it since I got here..." Twilight continues
"Well, ever had a piano drop on your head?"
>She shuts up and stares wide eyed at your cousin
>Ditzy smiles. "But then we got to know each other, so we're all good~"
>You scoot over, patting the seat next to you.
"Hop on in!"
>"Don't mind if I do~" Derpy replies, sitting next to you. You can ALWAYS use a wingmare, and it's obvious what your group is tryin to do here, so... she's no threat
>Rainbow Dash looks both hurt and astounded. "YOU TWO ARE RELATED?"
"Uh, yes, we ju-"
>"YOU TWO ARE RELATED." 
>Okaaaay Dash just calm down there
>Derpy sighs and leans into you, turning to face Anon. "So, where'd you learn to lip-synch like that?"
>Anon laughs and tosses an ice-cube at Derps. "Catty bitch. Is it that astounding I can sing?"
>Derpy sticks her tongue out at your stallion - ok, they're just friends. This is good! Get him all nice and relaxed.
>Another round of shots appears at the table, courtesy of some-mare-that-won't-get-the-dick
>You pick up a glass
"To singing!"
>"To Singing!" everyone cheers
...
..
.
..
...
>Sooo you might be a bit drunk. Well. A lot bit drunk.
>Ain't yo bits for once
>Errypone - and sexstallion - stall...
"hehe"
>Wow you can't even think straight
>Brain wanna take over
>Nah I think I'll hand everything over to Ovaries. You good down there?
>OVARIES DOES WHAT OVARIES WANTS
>Salright
>You give Anon the bedroom eyes
>Well, eye. The other eye is staring at that other fucking sexy human
>You gonna hit him up if this goes south with Anon

>Time to leap into action! 
>Action!
>....
>Apparently the other mares at your table are either
>(1) passed out, a la fluttershy and rarity
>(2) really really drunk, like AJ and Twilight
>(3) horny as fuck, like Pinkie and Dash. And you.
>You give the secret hoof signal to Pinkie
>She doesn't notice, so you lean over the table and whisper
"Hey. Heeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyy HEY hey hey"
>Stage whisper. The most selective of silent speakings
>The pink one turns to you
>You go through a complicated array of hoof motions
>She nods knowingly
>Goooooood
>Time to get everypony home and naked an-
>OVARIES DOES WHAT OVARIES WANTS
>I KNOW, Ovaries, I know. Give me a few minutes, damn
>FEED ME, DARING
>Ok, stop! Sheesh.
"Non! N. Anon. Anonon!"
>You get Anon's attention with your wordsmithing.
>He turns to look at you, a permanent blush on his face
"S...s' time to go to bed, babe."
>He grins. Does he know?
>IF PINKIE HAS BETRAYED YOU 
>"Yeah.. it is gettin' pretty late..." He stands up, wobbling slightly
>YES! The wobble! That means he's drunk enough to fuck, and sober enough to get it up!
>You pat yourself on the back
>excellent.
>Derpy looks at you and smiles, nodding softly. "Yeah, let's get everyone back home. Twilight's castle is prolly the easiest."
>Dis mare. You gonna give her some royalties from your next book. She's one of the good ones.
>Your group makes it's way out of the bar - some final catcalls you largely ignore
>It's time for operation: get fucked

>You stumble back with the group to the shiny castle
>Fuck good thing you weren't a pegasus
>Wait, yes you were
>You mean, good things... not in clouds. Can't fly
>Fly no, Walk yes.
>Yes.
>Anon is trying to talk to everypony
>But no one's really paying attention
>It's just snuggles against his leg - in Pinkie's case, she's actually snuggling one of his legs
>Makes him walk with a limp
>He's gonna make you walk with a hitch tomorrow~
>You chuckle
>Futtershy and Rarity are being carried under his arms
>His strong... warm arms... wow he's so strong. Two ponies - three, if you count leghumper - and no fatigue
>Dash flies up and lands on his back, snuggling in
>Bitch
>that's a great idea. 
>You make more idle banter with everypone
>eventually you make it to the castle
>Away from the throne room, up the stairs to the...
>Oh WOW
>You look around at this opulent bedroom
>A massive, herd-sized bed sits in the middle
>man that looks soft
>You decide to hop up on it, stretching right infront of anon
>mmm yeah and flash a little - hehe
>He coughs and starts to unload his pones
>"I'm going to go get some water, you guys just uh, relax here."
"Don't take too long~"
>Mmm. He's gonna go freshen up. Yeah he wants it
>This is a great plan, Daring! Just. top notch
>Thanks, ovaries
>No problem! Now pose for your stallion so you're picked first~
>Good idea!
>You sprawl out over the deceptively comfortable mattress...
>Mmm. Man this is comfy as fuck. You roll over onto your back, wings spread out
>Stallions love plumage
>Aaand... legs spread, there we go. Airin' out the V before you get the D
>You lay your head back and wait
>Any moment and Anon will come back...

>You awake with a start
>Bleary-eyed, you look around
>Sunlight streams in through the open windows
>You don't see Anon
>FUCK. Really? Maybe you need to check into AA or something
>You do feel a pressure against your abdomen - maybe he went down and fell asleep?
>If he went down then you're gonna propose to him right no-
>Nope, just Twilight, asleep on your tummy
>...you're just still drunk enough to think this prank is gonna be funny
>You scoot up slowly, making sure not to wake her up
>Just so her muzzle is right above your funcave
>Then squeeze your legs together and
"Oooooooh Buck~"
>You moan and writhe loud enough to wake everypone
>Twilight among them
>It takes her just a few moments to realize what's going on
>"AAH! AAah! Sorry, I ah! I -I'm not, I mean we're not even! I ju-"
>You can't contain your laughter
>Everyone else is either somewhat aroused, suffering from a massive hangover, or both
>Twilight hoofs you in the cutie mark
>You flinch
"Hey now, you just gotta finish what you started~"
>"Crass-flank pony..." she mumbles, clenching her eyes shut
>Yeah, alcohol's a bitch
>But your liver is used to it. Or dead. One of the two. 
>You look around and take stock
>apparently a couple mares DID get frisky last night... with each other
>You smile as they untangle themselves
"Well..."
>You inhale deeply
"That could've gone better."
>Wait, that scent
>Is it~ Is it his?!
>You inhale again, deep as you can
>No...no. It's
>Blueberry muffins.

>After much groaning, sniffling, moaning and a couple hard thuds
>you make your way downstairs to the kitchen
>The first thing you notice - this place smells fucking wonderful
>Damnit you miss rooming with the Derp
>But it could be your stallion cooking, yanno~
>Good thought brain! And welcome back!
>Thanks! Now SUGAR PLZ
>You look to the kitchen table
>Huh. One round of muffins is already gone - wait. 
>You head over, ignoring Derpy's "mornin!"
>You are scrutinizing the fuck out of these leftovers
>Chocolate macadamia nut chunk cookies
>She only bakes these when
"...when she gets laid."
>"Hmm?" Derpy says, laying a tray of now horribly-inferior blueberry-shame muffins on the table
"You only ever made these when you got laid, Derps."
>You look at her as serious as the hangover you're currently fighting
>The other girls make their way down into the kitchen, grumbling their thanks for the food
>No. They - No.
"Derpy. Tell me. Seriously."
>She looks away shyly
>The other pones start to sit at the table
"Did you fuck Anon?"
>Chairs squeak, then are silent
>Nopony moves
>Derpy opens her mouth to speak, but the kettle goes off - coffee, thankfully
>She walks back over to the stove, a slight hitch in her step
>CELESTIA AND LUNA DAMN IT SHE GOT FUCKED BY YOUR STALLION.
>She turns to look at you
>Plastering that innocent face as she brings over the kettle
>Fuck if it wasn't life-giving coffee you'd hit her
>But... that grin and that twinkle in her eyes
>FUCK
"Fuck"
>Derpy nods with a smile. "Preffy muff."

>You angrily grab a muffin and begin to chow down
>You can't stop the fact that she got the D
>But you can stop this hangover in it's tracks with some delicious sugar
>You glare at her, and she smiles back again, dropping the kettle on the table
>She looks at you-
>wait, she LOOKS at YOU
"D-Ditzy..."
>"Daring? Is something wrong?"
>"Your eyes!" Pinkie cries out
>Derpy starts to freak out a bit
"No, no! I mean, you're... your eyes are"
>"What? What! Oh Buck if I'm dying please let me-"
"They're FIXED."
>Derpy stops panicking.
>"Oh, that. Yeah, that happened last night."
>WH
"Wh-What?! How can you be so nonchalant over getting your eyes fixed! You got hit by a thundercloud when you were a foal, and now you're-"
>Derpy giggles
>You shut up, partially astounded at her demenaor, partially still FUCKING FURIOUS she fucked your stallion before you
>You can hear twilight murmur as she takes notes "...potentially healing properties..."
"It's just... yeah. Ah. Can I get anypony anything?"
>She tries to change the subject
>Rara won't let her.
>"Yes, dear. How about you get me some JUICY DETAILS."
>Derpy flinches
>You're not gonna help this whorse. That was YO DICK.
>OVARIES IS ANGRY
>Silence, Ovaries. Brain is back in control. You'll get your dick soon.
>Derpy sits at the table and pours herself a mug of coffe in silence.
>"So I guess you want to kno-"
>"YES" "EVERYTHING" "SCIENCE"
>She clears her throat, and begins to tell her story.